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Your virginity will not bring your boaz

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1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Flee from xesual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the xesually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
 

Bourgie Boho

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So the man that you desire to marry will need to be a virgin as well?
You already know the answer. Majority of the time it is required only with women and not men. It's annoying that they mainly require it in women.
 

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I am 31 years old and still a virgin. I am going to wait till marriage. I believe virginity is one of the greatest gifts a man can give a woman, and a woman a man. The consensus of the thread says that virginity does not add value to your profile. I whole heartily disagree.

From a Christian perspective, xes is between a husband and wife. Why? Because the LORD has prepared a spouse that is only meant for you. Defiling the marriage bed with anyone other than your soulmate is considered cheating. Fornication is essentially the lack of physical trust of the plans the LORD has planned for you.

Virginity is not a magical pill for happiness. It's not really about you, your wants, or your desires. It's about honoring and respecting your future spouse, as your spouse to honor and respect you in return. What more could you possibly want? xes before marriage brings challenges to the dating world. Marriage becomes less sought after since the benefits of marriage are shared with strangers.

I'm sure those who are not religious will not agree, but it's just my view. Well, the bibles view. I am simply arguing the case for virginity and the misnomer that its universally frowned upon. Those who are virgins and are on the fence about keeping it, Lyfe Jennings says it best, Think before you let it go.
It seems the reason why so many young Christian's get married is to have xes. Depending on the denomination, I know they go through a courting process and they marry quickly in order to have xes, I dont believe they are really getting to know each other.

I think it's great you've waited this long, but there are some virgins who make it their while identity, like yvonne orji for example. I know many Christian women who feel disappointed because mr. perfect never came. My questions to you is, are you keeping it for the promise of a husband? It's dangerous if part of your identity is based on your purity
 

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It seems the reason why so many young Christian's get married is to have xes. Depending on the denomination, I know they go through a courting process and they marry quickly in order to have xes, I dont believe they are really getting to know each other.

I think it's great you've waited this long, but there are some virgins who make it their while identity, like yvonne orji for example. I know many Christian women who feel disappointed because mr. perfect never came. My questions to you is, are you keeping it for the promise of a husband? It's dangerous if part of your identity is based on your purity
I just have no interest until I meet my spouse. I've seen the damage it causes all around me.
 

chatflix

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It seems the reason why so many young Christian's get married is to have xes. Depending on the denomination, I know they go through a courting process and they marry quickly in order to have xes, I dont believe they are really getting to know each other.
This seems true for the men. The women don't realize it until they're years late into the marriage.
 
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chatflix

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I just have no interest until I meet my spouse. I've seen the damage it causes all around me.
How old are you? Those are those people's problems, babe. Don't sell yourself short because you've seen the bad in relationships. For every 1 bad relationship you've seen it's 15 good ones you've not seen because you've not visited every where. This world is filled with billions of people! Those seven relationships you saw don't hold weight. Don't let other people speak for you. You're letting other peoples insecurities affect your life's experience.

WINK
 

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It seems the reason why so many young Christian's get married is to have xes. Depending on the denomination, I know they go through a courting process and they marry quickly in order to have xes, I dont believe they are really getting to know each other.

I think it's great you've waited this long, but there are some virgins who make it their while identity, like yvonne orji for example. I know many Christian women who feel disappointed because mr. perfect never came. My questions to you is, are you keeping it for the promise of a husband? It's dangerous if part of your identity is based on your purity

This is another problem with virginity. Virginity is your commitment to God (if you are religious) so it shouldn't be your identity nor should it be a "gift" to your future husband. Churches don't teach this and I've seen issues specifically with some women where once they are no longer virgins whether within a marriage or not they feel like they lost apart of them because their virginity was attached to their personality.
 
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Bourgie Boho

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This is another problem with virginity. Virginity is your commitment to God (if you are religious) so it shouldn't be your identity not should it be a "gift" to your future husband. Churches don't teach this and I've seen issues specifically with some women where once they are no longer virgins whether within a marriage or not they feel like they lost apart of them because their virginity was attached to their personality.
I've read many articles about this. Some have developed vaginismus or needed heavy therapy.
 

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How old are you? Those are those people's problems, babe. Don't sell yourself short because you've seen the bad in relationships. For every 1 bad relationship you've seen it's 15 good ones you've not seen because you've not visited every where. This world is filled with billions of people! Those seven relationships you saw don't hold weight. Don't let other people speak for you. You're letting other peoples insecurities affect your life's experience.

WINK

Thank you for the kind words. I personally do not want my body to be used and that will eventually happen if I let my guard down. So I have no problem waiting for the ring.
 

JoJo9

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This is another problem with virginity. Virginity is your commitment to God (if you are religious) so it shouldn't be your identity nor should it be a "gift" to your future husband. Churches don't teach this and I've seen issues specifically with some women where once they are no longer virgins whether within a marriage or not they feel like they lost apart of them because their virginity was attached to their personality.
You're correct that it is a commitment to GOD, but the Bible also says that once you become married that you become one flesh. When people become "one flesh" with multiple people, it certainly has its consequences. Virginity is the highest honor one can give your spouse and very few people today get to experience that honor.
 

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You're correct that it is a commitment to GOD, but the Bible also says that once you become married that you become one flesh. When people become "one flesh" with multiple people, it certainly has its consequences. Virginity is the highest honor one can give your spouse and very few people today get to experience that honor.

You're focused on the wrong thing; it should not be primarily about your future spouse. It should be about the commitment you made to God to honour Him in holiness. Stop centering a man in this and keep this fully focused on God. The honour belongs to God not a man.
 

JoJo9

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You're focused on the wrong thing; it should not be primarily about your future spouse. It should be about the commitment you made to God to honour Him in holiness. Stop centering a man in this and keep this fully focused on God. The honour belongs to God not a man.
No disagreement. So what say you when that commitment may not be reciprocated?
 

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No disagreement. So what say you when that commitment may not be reciprocated?
It's irrelevant. The commitment should be solely focused on God and your relationship with Him. Why is it important for you to have a partner who is also a virgin(not that this is a bad thing, I'm just curious what your reasons are)
 

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However, it will prevent unplanned pregnancies, unwanted STD's, and a peace of mind. :)
Not always. There are many people who get infect while in what they think is a monogamous relationship, but in actuality their partners have been cheating on them without protection.
 

DeeWins007

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Not always. There are many people who get infect while in what they think is a monogamous relationship, but in actuality their partners have been cheating on them without protection.
Virgins dont have xes even in monogamous relationships.
 

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This whole thread was quite fascinating! As I moved through each post and response, I was struck by the definitive nature of beliefs and convictions about xes, marriage, and virginity. I get it, but I'm saddened that no one mentioned the countless number of young girls who have been xesually abused and molested by men in their families and pastors and church leaders. This is my personal experience and sitting in church hearing that I must wait for marriage to have xes, and that I am a sinner because I had xes before marriage makes the shame of molestation even worse. Most Black mothers and abusers blame young girls for their own abuse so the holding the secret is soul crushing.

The Bible says a lot and as a contemplative and compassionate Christian, theologian, and therapist, I have done a lot of unlearning over the years to cleanse myself of the dehumanizing teachings I endured. I Believe in God, but not a God that sends people to hell. I have a different understanding if sin that is not predicated on behavior. Some would call me a heretic, and I don't really care because I am free from hating myself and believing in a cruel and hateful God as love. It's what happens in families where parents say I am doing this to you because I love you. The abuse that is in my counseling rooms is tragic!

I see the Bible as a whole story of God's creation, a love story if you will but filled with much tragedy, often on women. In the Old Testament, women are discarded without much value, except for a few glimpses of powerful women that I will not list because this response is already long enough. Women in the New Testament were marginalized for sure, but Jesus was much more kind and compassionate towards them and Paul alluded to some women leaders.

The bottom line is we can justify our beliefs and proof text with any scripture, and as some have said I have learned that the Bible must be read in context--Historical and cultural context. We also leave out the reality that polygamy, rape, and incest were common, and unfortunately still are. Every Black woman I've seen in therapy were molested or physically and emotionally abused in their families and are oppressed by unhealthy Biblical teachings to justify it. This trauma is sad.

Also, marriage is not clearly defined in the Bible so I believe we infuse our own present day understanding of what it is when in reality it is not clear. Sure Paul has something to say, but even his letters to the various churches were in context.

I believe the incarnation, that God came in the person of Jesus Christ...Emmanuel or God with us is really powerful that the 10 commandments were synthesized into the greatest commandment of Love God with all your heart mind and soul and Love your neighbor as yourself is rich. But it's not quoted often. I am amazed at how much Christians talk about sin and little about love. xes for me xes is one of the highest expressions of intimacy but when you loose your virginity before you even know who you are, healing this trauma is a lifelong journey. Waiting on God for a husband and to have xes is a theological and or a personal choice, an expression of a woman's theology or understanding and even image of God. Often our understanding and image of God is embedded, meaning passed down without reflecting theologically on how we come to believe what we believe about God. We call this apologetics.

It's been a journey for me and I see God as much fuller and richer than I can even know beyond gender binaries of man or woman, but what I do know is I do not want to believe in a God or the manifestation of God as Spirit and Christ that fills my heart with judgement and criticism towards others. Despite the often quoted in the world but not of the world, to have our spirits not see the reality of the world where suffering is real and we hurt each other, often because we have been hurt is disheartening. Knowing this reality, not my knowledge of the Bible, means I choose compassion. I simply wish we saw ourselves as more whole and human and not believe we have to oppress parts of ourselves to be closer to God. This was long!

Bless you sisters may we all fall on the side of grace, mercy, empathy, compassion and love.
 
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It's irrelevant. The commitment should be solely focused on God and your relationship with Him. Why is it important for you to have a partner who is also a virgin(not that this is a bad thing, I'm just curious what your reasons are)
I wouldn't call myself a Christian but my response to this would be that I want my partner to share the same values as me, to have the same perspective on the significance of xes in relationships. We might not see eye to eye on all things (as expected) but for this one, this value is extremely important to me. I don't want to be with someone who conveniently appears to be the same on the outside, but chooses out of intention to only be intimate with someone they truly care about, they're commited to and most of all love.

I'm not waiting all this time to engage with someone who doesn't see the world like I do. Who doesn't appreciate my perspective. I've waiting for someone like you, why can't you too?
 

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I wouldn't call myself a Christian but my response to this would be that I want my partner to share the same values as me, to have the same perspective on the significance of xes in relationships. We might not see eye to eye on all things (as expected) but for this one, this value is extremely important to me. I don't want to be with someone who conveniently appears to be the same on the outside, but chooses out of intention to only be intimate with someone they truly care about, they're commited to and most of all love.

I'm not waiting all this time to engage with someone who doesn't see the world like I do. Who doesn't appreciate my perspective. I've waiting for someone like you, why can't you too?
They can share the same values now but maybe they haven’t always. Is that a deal breaker to you? What is they’re not a virgin but have been celibate for a few years?
 
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They can share the same values now but maybe they haven’t always. Is that a deal breaker to you? What is they’re not a virgin but have been celibate for a few years?
Hmm.. I have to think about this.

Currently, my ideal is for my partner to have a similar if not the same type of dating history as me. So for now that would mean being a virgin also.

But as per my previous post, it is far more important that he has the same value as me regarding xes. That means it's possible for a guy to check all of my boxes including being a virgin, but if that only happens to be coincidental, I'd have my doubts. It could just be that he never had the opportunity before and I can't really respect that. That would put him in the same box as promiscuous men who are indiscriminate about their choice of xesual partner.

Therefore, a person who's been celibate would definitely be fine with me as long as they've upheld a consistent internal standard for having xes, which might not completely align with my own. If the core values are the same, namely the pursuit of meaningful relationships and most of all love, the rest aren't so bothersome.

I don't think I could really compromise on the idea of being with a 'reformed' virgin although that might change after more life experience especially since I know men are encouraged to be xesually active from an early age. I do realise this is quite a starry-eyed perspective but I'm not yet willing to let go of the romanticism. It's what drives me.
 

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Crazy thread. Much good info here. My own perspective is that, even from the christian perspective, of course you shouldn't expect your untouched 'gina to bring you Boaz. It's like barely one thing that Boaz is looking for. See for ez reference things similar to basically Kev Samuels 5 things, fit, friendly, fertile, cooperative, submissive. Boaz has things to consider, and untouched 'gina just ain't as high on the list as it used to be due to to parental testing nowadays, though it could obviously tip the scales for you, though it is unlikely. Further, in this day and age, Boaz can't even marry the young virgin you hardly because Boaz will be 40+, you'll be 20, people will give you side-eye, and you'll be like 95%+ likely to divorce him (he will know the stats for marriages with 10+ years difference). Further, Boaz can't even "marry" a woman like Boaz did in the bible where he would have literally owned her (though he treated her well). Obviously marriage today is a near sham as it is, and there's certainly no ownership of the woman at all (thus the freedom to ez divorce him and potentially take $$$).
 

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